Happy Holidays!

I am alive and well. Here's what's been going on since you last heard from me

Hello again. I know it’s been awhile. My newsletter wouldn’t be entitled as such if procrastination wasn’t a part of what makes me me. So, here we are, at the start of Winter and months since my last post. I hope you all will be understanding. I am committed to this platform as it truly brings me joy to communicate with you all, but at times, I just can’t bring myself to make it happen. This past week, in an effort to change this, I moved my writing desk to the place I’ve always wanted it to be - right in front of the window that overlooks our street. Time to start some healthy writing habits again.

More than ever, Josh and I are working intentionally to live our grown-up lives and establish better routines. To his credit, over the last several months, my husband has initiated the habit of trying to get us to bed by 10:30. Sure, we usually push it until 11 before we turn the lights out. Still, this is the earliest I’ve been able to get to bed in a very long time. I don’t know why I’ve always had such an aversion to an early bedtime. I believe that it’s just something that developed unconsciously and became my reality. Interestingly enough, 10:30 was my self-imposed bedtime in high school. I guess that’s why it has felt somewhat natural to return to that habit.

I’m still in therapy every other week, still going to my group counseling session once a week, and still building a firm, everlasting marriage with Josh. I’m grateful for his understanding and love. Our children are also doing well.

Our oldest, Anna, is entering her final semester in high school and community college (she will graduate with both a high school diploma and an associate degree). We’re very proud of her sacrifices and hard work.

Our tenth grader, Viva, has been focused on self care, physically and emotionally, as well as working to form healthy habits, including with eating and skin care.

Our seventh grader, Tyson, is still adjusting to living authentically as a trans boy. Fortunately, he has a vast support system, including individuals in school administration and friends who support him fully. Of course, as one of his four parents, I join the other three in wholeheartedly accepting and loving him. He still goes through bouts of depression, periods of sadness, anger when he’s bullied, and thoughts of suicide. Thankfully, we have been able to envelope him in support and he hasn’t acted on it. Some of his trans friends at school are going through these exact same experiences and we are proud that he has stepped in to stand as a strong presence of support for them.

Lastly, our third grader, Alexa, has been enjoying her time off school for winter break and is thankful Santa gifted her with lots of Pokemon cards.

Josh traveled to Sydney a few weeks ago with his best friend. I must admit that it was a bit of a struggle to stay behind as I could not get the time off work to go along. But I feel like it was such a wonderful experience for him to travel overseas, which is something I had been able to do before I met him and the kids. He had never been across the Pacific Ocean as I have, and I’m grateful that he got to have that experience. He also knows that Australia is on the top of my must travel list and we plan to go sometime in the next few years.

We both made these ornaments as kids. Now they hang on the tree next to each other. We’re saddened that we weren’t able to be our authentic, queer selves as children. These younger versions our ourselves still live inside of us and require so much care. Healing is a slow process.

In less-than-ideal news, we had a small leak in our roof that caused some water damage in our upstairs master bathroom. The roofers fixed the leak, and luckily we don’t have to get a new roof. As we’ve recently been dealing with roofers and remediation experts, we’re finding that interacting with contractors is uncomfortable for both of us for several reasons.

For starters, as a queer individual, I’ve always felt a bit unsafe around straight, cis men. Of course I’m not talking about all, but as someone who has heard homophobic rhetoric from fellow bus drivers at work as well as seen several contractor vehicles on the road with MAGA, Thin Blue Line, and/or generally other racist, sexist, and white supremacist bumper stickers, it’s unsettling to think that one of these contractors could show up to my home where there are two gay heads of household as well as one trans child and another who identifies as bisexual.

In addition, we both just struggle with scheduling and being present with others on our days off. It can feel like work. I don’t know why, but many situations that require social interaction feel daunting to me, and I often have to prepare myself for these encounters. I’m not sure why I’m like that, but that’s just how it is. It’s a perfect recipe for procrastination. Perhaps just telling you all will bring my fears out into the open, allowing me to face them.

Next week (if I can check my procrastination and finish it), I will be sending out a separate newsletter which will detail my recent transition into transit advocacy and photography work. This is quite exciting for me because I feel like I am transitioning into a new phase of my life. Again, thank you for your understanding. Until then, thanks for sticking with me and for supporting my journey. I hope you all have a happy holiday season!